Outsourcing

Early morning class of Business Strategy was unusually packed. The professor asked the class, "What is outsourcing?"

"Getting someone else to do the work which you can't do in the best way or the work is not lucrative enough to spend your precious time", someone responded in colloquial language.

"I liked this definition, simple yet complete", one of the rare incidents when the professor was happy.

"Now tell me how do you apply outsourcing concept in real life? Tell me at least one thing that you always outsource?", this time the professor pointed at a thin shivering guy, who was walking encyclopedia of the class.

"Decision making", his answer was not as simple as the question. 

Spice of Tradition

Bhidu is a traditional person and his favorite God is Lord Krishna. When we meet, our discussion revolves around his progress in achieving the target - 10/10/10, the date by when he plans to get hitched.

"Mini is the perfect girl for me - someone who can match shot to shot with me (of Tequila)", Bhidu was animated.

"Thats great!", being a teetotaler I was not able to appreciate this. 

"We had a great time last Saturday. Next month, we are planning for Goa vacation for one complete week."

"So you are on track for mission 10/10/10."

"No."

"Why?"

"I am not planning to marry her."

"WHY?"

"Our horoscopes don't match."

The Second Partition

"Mini is not around, please come with me for shopping tomorrow." It was Rimi's message in request cum order tone.

Thinking himself as Mini's replacement was not a particularly enjoyable idea, but Gopu agreed."Ok."

"Let's meet at 9 am in Sahara Mall".

Getting up early morning in Gurgaon winter on a Saturday is something that you can do only for a special person.

Sahara Mall at 9 am, foggy and freezing weather. Rimi had checked every possible T-shirt in the first store they visited. None of those T-shirts impressed her. Same story was repeated in two other stores.

"What exactly are you looking for?" Gopu asked without managing to hide his irritation.
"A cute lilac T-shirt with some funky text, that best describes me".

Gopu's knowledge of colours was limited to basic colours like red, green, yellow, black and white. So he started looking for T-shirts other than these basic colours with words "Crazy Shopper" inscribed on it.

They had checked all stores in Sahara Mall without any success. City Centre Mall was the next choice.

City Centre Mall at 1pm, hint of sunshine outside. Gopu and Rimi were in third store.

"Isn't this cute?", finally Rimi was wearing what she wanted and she was not planning to part with that T-shirt for the entire day.

"Really nice colour and amazing quote!! Let's move to food court, I haven't had my breakfast."

Food court was Gopu's favourite place in any mall.After spending four hours for one T-shirt, he managed to put his butt on a chair.

"How can people eat fish? It looks so dirty. I hate to see non-veg food around." Rimi was pointing to the Sea Food Festival poster.

It was a shocker to Gopu. The last two restaurants they had visited were pure vegetarian places. May be that was the reason he missed out on this truth.

The seafood in the menu was too tempting to resist as good seafood was a rarity in Gurgaon. To order it or not, that was the dilemma. Gopu took cue from the T-shirt quote, which best described Rimi.

"Be yourself".

"One prawn masala, one fish curry and rice." Gopu placed the order.

Gopu passed the menu card to Rimi and said, "Now you can decide".

Discharged

21 days of continuous office work without any weekend break. On 22nd day, Friday, work was under control and Gopu managed to leave office by 9 pm. He took a cab home and closed his eyes to catch some sleep.

His mobile rang... it was Jhhadoo. Gopu reluctantly picked the mobile. (To his credit Jhhadoo did a great job in managing his team by phone. Even Dawood and Chhota Shakeel could learn some tips from him.)

Jhhadoo took status update and reached to a conclusion that Gopu should spend weekends in office close to beautiful sea face than distant suburban house.

The call ended after 45 minutes.

"Battery Low"
2 missed calls - Rimi, Mom.

Gopu dialed Rimi. The mobile was dead after first ring.

Poor mobile had handled irate clients throughout the day and Jhhadoo's marathon call in late evening.

Tired Gopu stared at the discharged mobile. He thought, he was looking at a mirror.

Birth of Gopu

For last 18 months, I had not posted anything on my blog.

Now I am back to blogging and I plan to tell the story through some interesting characters. I'll keep all the posts FICTIONAL, but if you happen to find an element of reality in it, then you are plain lucky.

Lets get introduced to the main characters.

Gopu - Protagonist. Simple from outside: complicated inside. Knows what he doesn't like and can't do, but yet to figure out what he likes and can do. Manages to solve others' problems, but completely confused to solve his own.

Rimi - Gopu's love interest. She can be a crush, girlfriend, fiance or wife depending on the context.

Jhhadoo - The evil character. He/She can be a competitor, troublesome co-worker, abusive boss, irritating neighbor etc.

Mom - Gopu's mother.This MNYL commercial best captures her feelings for Gopu:



Guru - Gopu's adviser cum rescuer. Knows Gopu's vulnerabilities, but has complete faith in his strengths. He can be a senior colleague, supportive boss or elder relative.

Bhidu - Gopu's confidant. He can be a co-worker, family friend or relative.

Mini - Girl in Gopu's life who is not Rimi or Mom and shares most of the traits of Bhidu.

Stay tuned for some interesting stories. Hope you will enjoy them and share your views/feedback through comments.

The Last Drink

Apple with his four close friends, were performing their weekly ritual, meeting over drinks. Everyone was enjoying each others’ company.

After few drinks all except Apple were down.

Apple wondered, whether he should be happy that he is awake and can still enjoy the drink or feel sad since he is alone to sip the last drink.

For those who haven’t fathomed meaning out of this: drink is metaphor for pleasures of life and sleep for death.

Time Value of Money

Apple and Orange were at headquarters of a big company at Nariman Point, Mumbai's premier business district. Both were MBA students and had come to meet a manager in that company for some inputs on their project.

The meeting went well and Apple and Orange were gazing at skyscrapers at Nariman Point.

“One day I’ll become CEO of this company”, Apple exclaimed ambitiously. Then he asked curiously, “How much does the CEO of this company earn?”

“More than 4 crores (40 million) rupees per annum plus stock options plus bungalow plus Mercedes and many other perks”, Orange responded to the opportunity of showing his general knowledge.

“I won’t be happy with only Mercedes. Also I won’t travel in public airplanes. I’ll buy a private jet at company’s expense”, Apple said visualizing himself in the private jet.

“Yeah, we’ll earn big bucks”, Orange also shared the big dream.

It was time to reach home and both had to catch a local train, at CST station, around three kilometers from Nariman Point.

“We’ll go by cab, but I don’t have money now. Please pay for cab, I’ll pay you later”, Orange requested.

Apple checked his wallet, it was empty.

“We’ll walk to the station. We won’t get time to walk when we’ll have private jet and Mercedes”, Apple started walking.

Both wished for some money, few lakhs if not crores from their future.

-- Time Value of Money: A dollar today is worth more than a dollar tomorrow.

-- In India: 1 crore = 10 million = 100 lakhs.

Innovation Everywhere

Orange, a thief went to a shop which accepted second hand goods. He used to sell most of his stolen goods in that shop, and the shopkeeper was aware of that.

This time Orange had all his bags, small and big, for sell. He used these bags while stealing goods and money.

Shopkeeper wondered and said, “Are you planning to quit your profession?”

Orange replied, “No, but I have moved up the value chain. Now I use Pen Drive >.”

God’s Own Kids

Orange was preparing for his MBA final placements. He was putting in as much time and effort as possible to get the dream job. Books were piled up of on his study table; he was searching from his laptop for as much information as he can swallow.

Each and every second was precious!!

Lemon was loudly singing and playing guitar. Lemon was Orange’s roommate and classmate. He had just returned from a first day movie show and dinner in his favorite restaurant.

“Will you please shut up? I can’t concentrate in this noise”, Orange yelled at Lemon.

“Noise? Dude, this is music. If you can’t concentrate that’s your problem. You don’t have brain to study this stuff. Don’t give me excuses of noise”, Lemon responded.

“I don’t have brain? I am the topper of the class. I had international summers. I have completed CFA level 2. I am the chairperson of cultural committee”, here came Orange’s reply.

Orange throws his CV on Lemon’s face. “Look at my achievements. I have everything that an MBA student can have. What do you have with you?”

“Nothing, except a PPO!”, Lemon exclaimed with a winning smile and resumed playing guitar and singing.

-- For those who don't know PPO means Pre-Placement Offer in MBA parlance. Student can get a PPO, final job offer from his Summer Internship company, then he need not sit for final placements.

Future Synergy

Date – 26^th January, 2015
Place – Mumbai

CEO of the biggest Indian IT company, Lemon Corp had called a press conference to make an announcement.

No one in the press was aware about what was going to be announced. All reporters were curiously waiting for the conference.

“IT industry and our company are at decisive point. The competitive advantage is not technology but talent. There is extreme competition among all players in this industry for talent“; the CEO started his speech on this serious note.

“We at Lemon Corp have always faced this challenging task of recruiting, training and retaining talented people. Decreasing hourly rate from clients and increasing salaries made the matter worse. We want to double our manpower every two years. We asked ourselves, is there any out-of-the-box way to get out of this situation? Now, we have got the solution for this problem.”

There was a long pause and everyone was waiting for his next words.

“We are planning to acquire FastClone, a company with expertise in human cloning.”

All were stunned with disbelief.

“What is the synergy between an IT company and a cloning company?” a reporter questioned the CEO.

CEO answered, “I thought you would have guessed that!! We plan to clone all our talented employees so that we would never face human resource crunch. We have been closely working with FirstClone for some time, and we thought it would be perfect backward integration.”

“I believe it’s impossible, how you can clone a knowledge worker and expect the Clone to perform intelligent tasks?” a reporter questioned.

“Change begins at the top”; the CEO smiled and he switched on the big screen behind him.

It was live, the same CEO was in Bangalore addressing press conference at same time!!”

Shouting for Silence

He was sleeping in his home. Some noise outside the home spoiled his sleep. He was frustrated. He decided, "I'll sleep only when I get complete silence around me." He came out of home and screamed at people who were making noise. Those people stopped making noise.

Still there was not complete silence.

He made up his mind to find a place of complete silence.

He was beating a drum, shouting and asking everyone where he could get a place of complete silence.

When I saw him, I laughed at him. I wondered why he was looking for more silence. He was better off in his home.

He was shouting in search of silence.

Relationship Manager

I was sitting alone in a café. The café was crowded, with very few seats left empty. A man occupied a seat in front of me. He was near thirty and was formally dressed. I was getting bored sitting alone so I started chatting with him.

I introduced myself. He told me that, he had done his MBA from a reputed B-School and was working with a top bank as Relationship Manager.

Whenever I meet someone experienced person from the industry, I always try to get maximum information.

“Do I need to be a Finance genius to succeed in banking career? “ I asked him curiously.

“No, not at all! The key to any successful career is relationships. Take my example I am a Relationship Manager handling big accounts. I understand what exactly the customer wants. Relationship with customer is the most important factor in success,” He started his speech. Probably after many days he had got a dedicated listener.

He went on and on about his relationship doctrine and its importance to success.

To escape from his relationship monologue I changed the topic I asked him about his family.

He uttered only three words, “I am divorced.”

Economics of Attraction

"Am I so attractive? Why is everyone trying to impress me? This never happened in my graduation college,” She was thinking about these questions in her mind. She was just one month into the B-School and was wondering why she was getting so much attention from boys.

In her thoughts she almost forgot that she was attending a lecture.

Economics teacher's loud voice interrupted her thoughts, "Prices of goods are decided by forces of demand and supply. When demand for goods is significantly more than supply of goods then prices of goods increase even though there is no change in the intrinsic value of goods."

She got the answer.

Paradox of Brand Immunity

Brand positioning, Brand revival, Brand royalty..... It was almost branding bombardment in the marketing class. The MBA student was fed up with this daily brand staple. Brands followed him even when he was out of class, at home as TV commercials, on road as billboards, while surfing on websites and now also during movies. Brands were not only giving him mental torture but they were also pinching his pocket. He was almost addictive of brands and often ended up spending on unnecessary brands.

MBA decided to get out of this brand addiction. Suddenly an idea of creating a Brand Immunity Vaccine struck him. A vaccine such that whoever uses it won’t be affected by branding campaigns; he’ll buy only what is needed and not what he is persuaded for.

MBA always wanted to start a new venture, so he decided to make a business out of this idea. When he analyzed business proposition for this idea, he found that according to a research, people end up spending around 40 percent more money for buying branded products than non branded products of same quality. So the value proposition for brand immunity vaccine was to save those 40 percent. This vaccine would have large market of almost everyone with good disposable income.

To implement the unique idea he roped in a psychologist to analyze effect of brands on minds of people and a scientist to create the vaccine.

After a thorough research and testing the product was ready.

"Hey, the product, Brand Immunity Vaccine is ready, now we have to sell it", scientist told MBA.

MBA instinctively responded, "Sell immediately, No; first we have to create brand, people don’t buy product they buy brand."

Honest Question

Placement season in the B-School. Pressure, anxiety and tension was palpable in the air. I was just another rat in the race, attending one GD after another and many interviews in between.

In one such interview I was sitting opposite a panel of experienced interviewers who were ready to test me. They asked me all sorts of questions, HR, academics, currents affairs, economics, extracurricular activities and what not. The interview was very long, it lasted for more than half an hour. I managed to answer all questions really well. The panel was very much impressed and almost ready to hire me, I guessed that from their expressions.

At the end of the interview, one of the interviewer asked me, "Would you like to ask something about our company?"

One question I was waiting to ask for half an hour and I couldn't resist the temptation.

I asked, "What is the name of your company?"

-- Disclaimer- This story like all my other posts is fictional.

Cocktail of Indecision

Three friends from a big B-School were facing a difficult question, "Which Specialization?".

From so many specializations, they decided to choose from either Finance or Marketing. To discuss this difficult question they thought of doing brainstorming in Juice parlor.

In Juice Parlor

"This menu is too much confusing, if we look at all options, we cannot decide which juice to choose from."

"I guess we should choose from either Mango juice or Orange juice. Because both are popular and this parlor is famous for both of these juices than any other."

"I believe we should think only in short term while choosing juice. We should choose the one which tastes better."

"No, we should think from a long term perspective. We should choose the one which is better for our health."

"I don't agree with both of you. We should choose the juice which we like."

"Well, I just can't decide which one to choose. I'll choose the one which most people like in this parlor."

"I look at it from a different perspective. If we choose Orange, we risk losing Mango and vice-versa. I believe we should de-risk this."

Discussion, arguments continued between these three friends. Now waiter enters in the scene.
"Sir, Please decide quickly, after ten minutes we'll close this juice parlor."

"We'll go for cocktail !!", all three replied.

Counting Curse

I was eating strawberries with my friend.

After that strawberry feast, I asked her, "How many strawberries you ate?"

She replied, "I didn't count. I was enjoying its taste. Its taste is amazing. Did you like taste of strawberries?"

"Uhh.. I was counting strawberries while eating. I missed out on its taste", I responded.

Next Experiment

New blog for new thoughts!!

Here is my next experiment, Shailesh Speaks . All are invited to be a part my new journey.

"The Ignorant's Blog" for my Soul.
"Shailesh Speaks" for my Brain.

Love
- The-Ignorant

The-Ignorant in B-School

I have got a big break. I couldn't resist the temptation to share this great news with readers of this blog.

I'll be joining JBIMS , one of the best B-School in India, this academic year.

By God's grace, this is reality, not fiction :)

- The-Ignorant

Middle Path

A group of men and a group of women were involved in heated debate.

Men believed - "God is a man."

Women argued - "God is a woman."

'Wise' man thought he was master of negotiations. He believed that solution for every problem can be found by taking a middle path.

Wise man made heroic entry in this fight.

Wise man suggested to the fighting groups, "God is neither man nor woman, God is somewhere in between."

His suggestion had serious conclusion. Both groups were furious. They beat the 'wise' man to death.

The wise man died on middle of the road, on the 'middle path'.