Future Synergy

Date – 26^th January, 2015
Place – Mumbai

CEO of the biggest Indian IT company, Lemon Corp had called a press conference to make an announcement.

No one in the press was aware about what was going to be announced. All reporters were curiously waiting for the conference.

“IT industry and our company are at decisive point. The competitive advantage is not technology but talent. There is extreme competition among all players in this industry for talent“; the CEO started his speech on this serious note.

“We at Lemon Corp have always faced this challenging task of recruiting, training and retaining talented people. Decreasing hourly rate from clients and increasing salaries made the matter worse. We want to double our manpower every two years. We asked ourselves, is there any out-of-the-box way to get out of this situation? Now, we have got the solution for this problem.”

There was a long pause and everyone was waiting for his next words.

“We are planning to acquire FastClone, a company with expertise in human cloning.”

All were stunned with disbelief.

“What is the synergy between an IT company and a cloning company?” a reporter questioned the CEO.

CEO answered, “I thought you would have guessed that!! We plan to clone all our talented employees so that we would never face human resource crunch. We have been closely working with FirstClone for some time, and we thought it would be perfect backward integration.”

“I believe it’s impossible, how you can clone a knowledge worker and expect the Clone to perform intelligent tasks?” a reporter questioned.

“Change begins at the top”; the CEO smiled and he switched on the big screen behind him.

It was live, the same CEO was in Bangalore addressing press conference at same time!!”

Shouting for Silence

He was sleeping in his home. Some noise outside the home spoiled his sleep. He was frustrated. He decided, "I'll sleep only when I get complete silence around me." He came out of home and screamed at people who were making noise. Those people stopped making noise.

Still there was not complete silence.

He made up his mind to find a place of complete silence.

He was beating a drum, shouting and asking everyone where he could get a place of complete silence.

When I saw him, I laughed at him. I wondered why he was looking for more silence. He was better off in his home.

He was shouting in search of silence.

Relationship Manager

I was sitting alone in a café. The café was crowded, with very few seats left empty. A man occupied a seat in front of me. He was near thirty and was formally dressed. I was getting bored sitting alone so I started chatting with him.

I introduced myself. He told me that, he had done his MBA from a reputed B-School and was working with a top bank as Relationship Manager.

Whenever I meet someone experienced person from the industry, I always try to get maximum information.

“Do I need to be a Finance genius to succeed in banking career? “ I asked him curiously.

“No, not at all! The key to any successful career is relationships. Take my example I am a Relationship Manager handling big accounts. I understand what exactly the customer wants. Relationship with customer is the most important factor in success,” He started his speech. Probably after many days he had got a dedicated listener.

He went on and on about his relationship doctrine and its importance to success.

To escape from his relationship monologue I changed the topic I asked him about his family.

He uttered only three words, “I am divorced.”

Economics of Attraction

"Am I so attractive? Why is everyone trying to impress me? This never happened in my graduation college,” She was thinking about these questions in her mind. She was just one month into the B-School and was wondering why she was getting so much attention from boys.

In her thoughts she almost forgot that she was attending a lecture.

Economics teacher's loud voice interrupted her thoughts, "Prices of goods are decided by forces of demand and supply. When demand for goods is significantly more than supply of goods then prices of goods increase even though there is no change in the intrinsic value of goods."

She got the answer.

Paradox of Brand Immunity

Brand positioning, Brand revival, Brand royalty..... It was almost branding bombardment in the marketing class. The MBA student was fed up with this daily brand staple. Brands followed him even when he was out of class, at home as TV commercials, on road as billboards, while surfing on websites and now also during movies. Brands were not only giving him mental torture but they were also pinching his pocket. He was almost addictive of brands and often ended up spending on unnecessary brands.

MBA decided to get out of this brand addiction. Suddenly an idea of creating a Brand Immunity Vaccine struck him. A vaccine such that whoever uses it won’t be affected by branding campaigns; he’ll buy only what is needed and not what he is persuaded for.

MBA always wanted to start a new venture, so he decided to make a business out of this idea. When he analyzed business proposition for this idea, he found that according to a research, people end up spending around 40 percent more money for buying branded products than non branded products of same quality. So the value proposition for brand immunity vaccine was to save those 40 percent. This vaccine would have large market of almost everyone with good disposable income.

To implement the unique idea he roped in a psychologist to analyze effect of brands on minds of people and a scientist to create the vaccine.

After a thorough research and testing the product was ready.

"Hey, the product, Brand Immunity Vaccine is ready, now we have to sell it", scientist told MBA.

MBA instinctively responded, "Sell immediately, No; first we have to create brand, people don’t buy product they buy brand."

Honest Question

Placement season in the B-School. Pressure, anxiety and tension was palpable in the air. I was just another rat in the race, attending one GD after another and many interviews in between.

In one such interview I was sitting opposite a panel of experienced interviewers who were ready to test me. They asked me all sorts of questions, HR, academics, currents affairs, economics, extracurricular activities and what not. The interview was very long, it lasted for more than half an hour. I managed to answer all questions really well. The panel was very much impressed and almost ready to hire me, I guessed that from their expressions.

At the end of the interview, one of the interviewer asked me, "Would you like to ask something about our company?"

One question I was waiting to ask for half an hour and I couldn't resist the temptation.

I asked, "What is the name of your company?"

-- Disclaimer- This story like all my other posts is fictional.

Cocktail of Indecision

Three friends from a big B-School were facing a difficult question, "Which Specialization?".

From so many specializations, they decided to choose from either Finance or Marketing. To discuss this difficult question they thought of doing brainstorming in Juice parlor.

In Juice Parlor

"This menu is too much confusing, if we look at all options, we cannot decide which juice to choose from."

"I guess we should choose from either Mango juice or Orange juice. Because both are popular and this parlor is famous for both of these juices than any other."

"I believe we should think only in short term while choosing juice. We should choose the one which tastes better."

"No, we should think from a long term perspective. We should choose the one which is better for our health."

"I don't agree with both of you. We should choose the juice which we like."

"Well, I just can't decide which one to choose. I'll choose the one which most people like in this parlor."

"I look at it from a different perspective. If we choose Orange, we risk losing Mango and vice-versa. I believe we should de-risk this."

Discussion, arguments continued between these three friends. Now waiter enters in the scene.
"Sir, Please decide quickly, after ten minutes we'll close this juice parlor."

"We'll go for cocktail !!", all three replied.

Counting Curse

I was eating strawberries with my friend.

After that strawberry feast, I asked her, "How many strawberries you ate?"

She replied, "I didn't count. I was enjoying its taste. Its taste is amazing. Did you like taste of strawberries?"

"Uhh.. I was counting strawberries while eating. I missed out on its taste", I responded.

Next Experiment

New blog for new thoughts!!

Here is my next experiment, Shailesh Speaks . All are invited to be a part my new journey.

"The Ignorant's Blog" for my Soul.
"Shailesh Speaks" for my Brain.

Love
- The-Ignorant

The-Ignorant in B-School

I have got a big break. I couldn't resist the temptation to share this great news with readers of this blog.

I'll be joining JBIMS , one of the best B-School in India, this academic year.

By God's grace, this is reality, not fiction :)

- The-Ignorant